Living with a chronic illness is a unique journey, one that often reshapes every aspect of our lives, including our spiritual practices.
For the past four years, I've been navigating the relentless, often debilitating, cycle of recurring UTIs. This persistent companion has taught me a lot about resilience, adaptability, and what it truly means to connect with the divine, especially within the framework of Kemetic Orthodoxy.
The Challenge of Chronic Illness in Kemetic Practice
In Kemetic Orthodoxy, there's a specific guideline: you cannot formally worship whilst you are unwell. This isn't a judgement; it's rooted in the understanding that our offerings to the Netjeru (the gods) should be our best, given with a clear mind and body. In ancient Egypt, purity was paramount for engaging with the divine.
For someone like me, whose body seems to be in a perpetual cycle of "unwell," this presents a significant challenge. When a UTI flares, and it often does, the pain, fatigue, and general malaise make any formal ritual impossible. In those moments, lying on the sofa with a hot water bottle pressed against my abdomen, the idea of standing at an altar, offering incense, and reciting prayers feels like an insurmountable task. It's easy to feel disconnected, frustrated, and even guilty for not being able to uphold my practice in the way I'd ideally want to.
Redefining Devotion: Beyond Formal Ritual
However, chronic illness has also forced me to redefine what "worship" and "devotion" truly mean. It's a journey of finding the whispers of the divine even when the path is obscured by pain and exhaustion.
Here's how I've learned to navigate these ancient paths whilst chronically ill:
-
Internal Altars and Mental Offerings: Whilst I may not be able to light candles, I can create an altar in my mind. I can visualise the Netjeru, offer mental prayers, and meditate on their attributes. These internal acts of devotion, though unseen, are just as real and meaningful.
-
Simple Moments of Connection: Sometimes, it's as simple as looking up at the sky and feeling the presence of Nut, or tending to my houseplants and sensing the life-giving energy of Renenutet. A quiet moment of gratitude, a deep breath taken with intention, or a gentle stretch to ease discomfort can all be offerings in their own right.
-
Study and Reflection: When my body won't cooperate for active ritual, my mind often can. Diving into texts about ancient Egypt, reading about the Netjeru, or simply reflecting on their stories helps me stay connected to my path. It's a form of mental worship that nurtures my spirit.
-
Self-Care as Sacred Act: For me, self-care has become a profound act of devotion to my body, which is a temple given to me by the Netjeru. Resting when I need to, staying hydrated, eating nourishing food – these aren't just practical necessities; they are ways of honouring the life within me. When I care for myself, I am better able to eventually return to formal practice.
-
Trusting the Netjeru's Understanding: I truly believe that the Netjeru understand our human limitations. They know our struggles, our pain, and our sincere intentions. My inability to perform a formal ritual due to illness doesn't diminish my love or respect for them. It strengthens my faith in their compassion.
Finding Your Own Path
If you're also navigating a spiritual path whilst living with chronic illness, know that you are not alone. It's a challenging space, but also one that offers profound opportunities for growth and a deeper, more intimate connection with the divine.